Here is my story.
I was a TBM my entire life, and was bullied, lied about, harassed verbally and sexually, betrayed, and threatened with my life by other TBMs who felt I was not living worthily enough. Keep in mind, I was not an anti-mormon then, or ever said ANYTHING contrary to the teachings of the Brethren!
I went to Timpview High School, in Provo, Utah. During my four years there, I experienced an indescribable amount of anger, fury, depression, and bitterness towards my peers, who were TBM nazi's, and started a rumor that I was gay, and masturbated wildly.
The rumor of my masturbation problem started in Junior High School, and I suppose got spread from there to my high school, or was just spread amongst my classmates, who moved on to high school. Whatever.
I was in the band, and felt very committed to it. I would later find out that the Timpview High School Band Program was and is a cult, but not nearly as destructive as the Mormon cult.
My freshman year, TBM seniors in this band program would grab me, drag me, and throw me in the snow. These same TBM seniors who were aspiring to go on a mission that next year! I was shocked and very embarrassed! They also threw me in the band trash can as well!
Then I had a friend in my same grade who was the biggest TBM hypocrite I had ever come across up to that point. He had a girlfriend who was just as equally hypocritical, and they would harass anybody who they believed had a masturbation problem! They heard about my masturbation problem, and began telling me in person that "The seminary principal would not be happy if he found out about your masturbation problem." THEN one day they came up to me and said, "We told the seminary principal that you can't stop masturbating. You will be hearing from him soon!"
That evening I received an email from these TBM bullies, who claimed to be the seminary principal. His emails said, "It has come to my knowledge that you have a problem with masturbation. This is outrageous! You are going to Hell! You need to repent and confess to the bishop immediately! Are you gay? I'd bet you are!" (Hmm... I wonder where they got this logic from! Spencer W. Kimball?!)
I ignored it, and kept getting more emails like, "Hey! Why won't you respond! This is not a joke! This is very serious! You need to repent and stop masturbating!"
The FINAL email, which was absolutely horrendous in its sexual nature was, "Zach Stevenson. This is your seminary principal. Your masturbation problem is absurd! You just don't get it! Well, actually, I am feeling pretty horny right now. Maybe you can come to my office and have sex with me! Your masturbation may be evil, but it is so hot! Come get it on with me Zach! I am sooo horny!"
I typed in the girl's first name who was behind these emails as the password to the email address, and behold! I got in! I read the emails her boyfriend sent her to this email, and I was astonished at the hypocrisy! One was sent right after the Priesthood session!
"Hey Brittany, I just got back from the Priesthood Session of General Conference. It was great listening to these old men, who teach not to masturbate! LOL!"
This story, alone, proves that TBMs in Provo, Utah, have serious hypocrisy issues, and need to get checked! This is absurd!
During my seminary class, there was a TBM, a TBM nazi at that, who kept telling me I was of Satan because I didn't always pay attention, and I got so fed up with his constant harassment, I swore, and that just fueled his harassment! He was NOT the only TBM who harassed me in that class though!
I opened up my hymn book, and started singing the wrong verse accidentally, and the TBM sitting next to me punched me in the arm, and scolded, "Sing the right verse!"
In that same class, we were shown Johnny Lingo, and I had never seen it before, and I was laughing at it, and ANOTHER TBM turned to me and said, "Shut up! That is not funny!" and he kept being sarcastic with me, "Oh yeah, that is really funny!"
That was 9th grade. Trust me, it gets worse, ESPECIALLY my 10th grade experience. I would say that I was practically tortured by TBMs in 10th grade, and I was NOT even an anti-mormon!
My 10th grade seminary teacher, first semester, was a horrible, horrible human being. He practically kissed Kimball's ass, and taught that masturbation was the same as homosexuality, and should be taken very seriously. This might have planted the seeds in people's minds that because I supposedly had a masturbation problem, I also had a homosexual problem.
I cannot tell you how many times my 10th grade year I was asked if I masturbate, and asked if I was gay. People would go around and say I was gay, and had a very small dick! These were TBMs! Aspiring missionaries and full tithe payers once they get jobs! This was completely laughable!
During my auto class, which is the second part of driver's ed, a group of my classmates were talking about me, and one guy told me to come over, so I did. When I got there, they asked, "Do you pleasure yourself?" I said, "Excuse me?" They said, "Do you masturbate?!" I pretty much ignored them, and they kept badgering me. "Do you masturbate?!" They even grabbed my shoulders, and shook me very hard, asking, "Do you masturbate!" I lost it, and replied, "Yes! I masturbate! Leave me alone!"
Then I went to my seminary class, and my teacher had a water gun, and he turned to me, and sprayed me for no reason whatsoever for about 10 seconds! My scriptures got soaked! I mean, what the fuck? This seminary teacher is a piece of shit! There is no excuse. This man was nothing but filth and garbage!
One other incident in seminary, from the same doucebag, was when he was explaining this dream interpretation book a student gave to him. He was going through common dream themes. I raised my hand, and asked, "Can I have one of my dreams interpreted?" He turned to me, and replied, "Absolutely not! I don't want to expose this class to your sick and twisted dreams!" He must have heard the rumor that I masturbate.
Another incident in seminary was when I came to class wearing a black hooded sweatshirt, and he turned to me and asked, "Why do you look like a black KKK member?" If you are not thoroughly disgusted by this human being, then you have serious problems.
This seminary teacher's name was Brother Fletcher by the way. I don't remember his first name, but this man was so disrespectful, hate-filled, and evil, I am not going to protect his identity. He taught seminary at Timpview High School. I wouldn't be surprised if ends up rotting in Hell when he dies, if there is a Hell.
Later that semester, I was talking to someone in my auto class, and the same girl who asked me if I masturbated earlier, slugged me in the arm for no reason, and didn't even say anything. Actions speak louder than words! It was because she was a TBM nazi!
Now, my U.S. History class. The same guy who harassed me via email the previous year was in my History class. Things were so bad in this class, I got permission to switch classes. This kid threw hard candy at me, slammed my head against the wall, kicked me, punched me in the stomach, bashed a filled balloon against the edge of my glasses and popped it, and finally, threatened to drive by my house and blow my fucking brains out. All this, because he believed I had a masturbation problem, and MUST have been, in his words, a "faggot".
So I transferred out of that particular US History class, and got into my new one. Some girl behind me a few chairs saw who I was, said, "Zach Stevenson?" with an annoyed tone. I looked back, and she hid her face from me. One of her friends turned to me and said, "She hates you Zach, don't look at her." I didn't even know who she was! She was a die hard TBM though, who heard I masturbate.
During this semester, I ate lunch with some gothics who were complete outcasts from everyone and anyone who went to Timpview High School, so maybe this contributed to my notoriousness for being a servant of Satan. But even some of the gothics hated me because I was actually a TBM, so I couldn't win no matter what! My gothic friend did testify in my behalf to the school police officer that this kid who threatened my life was terrorizing me constantly. He was a good guy, even though everyone thought he was the devil. He actually tried to commit suicide multiple times, because he was so rejected by TBMs!
Then there was my math class. I got another verbal threat to my life from a die hard TBM who thought I was annoying! He told me, "I am going to open your mouth and put it over the curb, and stomp on your head as hard as I can!" That is very graphic, and violent! Two other bullies in that class grabbed me, dragged me, threw me outside, and locked me out! I had to walk into the front entrance, and explain myself to a hall monitor nazi, who thought I was sluffing class! My math teacher didn't give a damn! He actually yelled at me just because I was being bullied! That is what horrible teachers do when they don't know how to intervene on a bully victim's behalf! They contribute to it! This teacher was a TBM as well!
On another occasion in my math class, I was thrown to the ground, and my face was stepped on. All from different TBMs who ended up going on an "honorable full time mission", and were children or relatives of prominent men in the Quorums of the 12 and 70! This was unbelievable!
Now we go to my 11th grade year. This is the year I became friends with the grandson of Dallin H. Oaks, of the Quorum of the Twelve apostles. Believe me, the things that this friends said to me were pretty horrible, and should hopefully disgust you.
This grandson of Oaks would continually ask me if I am going to confess to my bishop that I masturbate, in a "you need to" fashion. He would tell me that I shouldn't swear, and that I needed to get over my problem with depression. Well gee! I wonder why I was so damn depressed in High School!
Dallin Oak's grandson asked me, "Are you going on a mission?" When I told him no, he freaked out and said, "Why not? If you don't, you break God's commandments! If one of your hero's told you to serve a mission would you?" He would tell me, "You are never going to get married. Ever. I am always right." Then he told me about a road-trip he was planning with his other friends, and he said, "This roadtrip will take place when you are on your mission. And if you are not on your mission, you do not deserve to go."
I mean, come on, where do you think he got all of this from? Probably the bigotry of his grandfather!
My 12th grade year was fairly decent. The rumors sort of died, and I guess the bullies moved on to other TBMs who were not keeping their baptismal covenants.
After high school, however, a lot of my female friends stopped talking to me altogether for unknown reasons, but I highly suspect it was because I was smart enough not to go on a mission.
I do have several experiences post-high school from TBM's, some even members of bishoprics, which I find to be absolutely disgusting! Here are some I can think of. Keep in mind, I was never an anti-mormon at all, and NEVER said anything to indicate that I thought counter to the teachings of the brethren!
- I gave my sacrament meeting talk during the "High School senior" talks that our bishop decided to do. I got a lot of feedback like, "Thanks for your talk." I even got a letter thanking me for it. But one of my priest quorum leaders came up to me and said, "Your talk was the shortest! You obviously didn't prepare enough!"
- I visited one of my friend's singles ward, and the first counselor to the bishopric walked up to me, and asked me point blank, "Where did you go on a mission?" That was his first question! No, "What's your name?" or nothing! And TBMs say that the Church is NOT obsessed with missionary work?!
- I was at a dinner that a TBM friend invited me to, and her mother asked during dinner, "Did you go on a mission?" and I said, "no". Immediately the table went silent, everyone looked down in disappointment, and she seemed less interested in talking to me.
- I gave a girl in my student ward a ride home, she asked me, "Did you go on a mission?" and I said, "No." and she freaked out saying, "A mission is a big deal! Are you going to go?" I replied, "No." Then things got really awkward, and she said, "A mission is a commandment of God, and you didn't go? Are you okay?"
- Some guy in my ward found out I was not an RM, and he said, "Wow, I honestly thought you were an RM. This is really surprising!"
- On a date I was asked, "Did you go on a mission?" I replied, "No", and my date freaked out, and yelled, "No?!" She ended it there. I guess she must have realized she was embarrassing herself.
- I was at a guy's apartment at a ward party, and one of the guys lectured to me, "If you go on a mission you will never regret it. Why didn't you go? You do realize that you can do other kinds of missions, right? If you don't think you can go on a mission, you should go on another kind of mission!"
- During an institute class, the teacher said, "Shame on any man who does not go on a mission!"
- On my 21st birthday, some guy said, trying to be funny, "Emily here will take you out (beat you up) if you drink." She replied, "Yeah, I know tae-bo." She was serious! She would have to! Unbelievable!
- I was at a party in 2008 before the presidential election, and I mentioned that I was planning on not voting for Mitt Romney, and they said, "You shouldn't be allowed to vote."
- This girl from my high school who had a crush on me sent me an email when she found out I was not going to go on a mission. She said, "Zach, you could have told me you weren't going to go on a mission. I am very disappointed, but I wouldn't have been too mad if you just told me."
- I talked to a non mormon visiting Provo for the first time, and I told her that I didn't go on a mission, and she said, "Holy cow! That is such a big deal! I'd bet you have a hard time fitting in!" - BINGO
- At work, one of my co-workers who just got back from a mission spent about fifteen minutes asking me questions like, "What's it like not going on a mission?" "I'd bet it's a huge trial to not go on a mission!"
- Another guy who recently got back from a mission said, "Come on Zach, you can go on a mission!"
- When I mentioned that I did not serve a mission in my singles ward, my bishop said, "You know, I have a son who didn't go on a mission, and I actually stopped loving him! For a long time I didn't love him!" Unbelievable!
- The same girl who said she would use tae-bo on me if I drank, told me that if I cheated at a card game we were playing, she would have someone beat me up.
- A TBM nazi in my ward, seeing that my hair was "too long", kept harassing me about getting a haircut. "You need to get a haircut! When are you going to get a haircut?!"
Also, I had an interview with my bishop when I was about 16, and he asked me point blank, "Do you have a problem with masturbation?" I was reminded of all the wannabe TBM bishops at my high school asking me that same problem, over and over again, and I was shocked that he would do the same thing!
If any of you who have read this are a TBM, please tell me how the Mormon Church does not create a very evil, horrible, judgmental, violent cult environment that is VERY destructive if you differ in any way, even if it is just a rumor!
The Mormon Church is a very evil cult, and they have never apologized for people like me who have been bullied and demonized in the name of God, and they NEVER WILL!
I am hoping that the General Authorities will read this story, and MABYE get it locked into their brain that the environment in Utah County is horrible, nazi-like, and goes against the basic doctrines they claim to represent, which is also a damn lie.
I feel like because of everything I have gone through, I am 100 percent justified in doing what I can to bring down this cult, and my conscience will be able to sleep perfectly well at night.